Commercial from 1935"My father warned me about men and booze...

~Author UnknownEven if happiness forgets you a little bit, never completely forget about it.

Howard Felperin comments on Hamlet’s “ironic consciousness” of the fact that he is unable to quickly execute the command of the ghost: Eliot’s unhappy judgments are worth considering here, if only because they are based on an intuition of Shakespeare’s creative process that is so near to and yet so far from the one presupposed in the present essay....

Foster and Leon Kreitzman, , 2009

Disappointment, love, business troubles, and a long list of dark possibilities, are always waiting around every man; these interact, when they happen (and none can go through life without them), in many ways upon the health.

at the time Swift was writing about the conditions for poor Catholics in Ireland, a quote states that ‘for many years these laws excluded Catholics from all public life and much normal private social activity.

~Albert SchweitzerHappiness is a well-balanced combination of love, labour, and luck.

That will teach you to keep your mouth shut."

"When I read about the evils of drinking, I gave up reading."
"Intoxicated /adj./ When you feel sophisticated without being able to pronounce it."
"I am as drunk as a lord, but then, I am one, so what does it matter ?"
"If, as they say, God spanked this town
For being much too frisky,
Why did He burn His churches down
And save Hotaling's Whiskey ?"
"If I had not some strength of will I would make a first class drunkard."
"When your conscious becomes unconscious, you are drunk.
When your unconscious becomes conscious, you are stoned."
"There are more old drunkards than old doctors."
"I stopped drinking, but only when I sleep."
"You know what 'SOBER' stands for ?

But you think about it regardless.

This rhetorical skill is artfully used by Jonathan Swift in his pamphlet “A Modest Proposal.” The main argument for this mordantly ironic essay is to capture the attention of a disconnected and indifferent audience.

[tags: Argumentative Persuasive Argument Essays]

I guess I've lived about ten or fifteen thousand lives now." "I'm an alcoholic.


"If there is one thing I know about women, it's that you should never laugh until you absolutely — I repeat, absolutely — know that they're joking."
"I think the fact that feminism has just recently arrived after a few thousand years of male domination says something: women are a little slow."
"I have P.M.S.

— ambitious projects, business, love?

Alas, it was only an illusion."

"You know, I've been wanting to go out with you ever since I read the stuff on the men's bathroom wall two years ago..."
"The government runs the Bureau of Alcohol, Tobacco, and Firearms, so they must know a thing or two about satisfying women."
"San Francisco Personal Ads, you will never find a more retched hive of scum and villainy: '

Sarcastic essay eating babies

Since then, neither God nor man has rested."
"Q: What is the difference between a dog and a fox ?
A: About 5 drinks."
"What they wrote in the news about beer containing female hormones must be true, because after 10 beers a man becomes as stupid as a woman."
"Let me put it this way: my date was like an RPG...

Argumentative Essays Samples Sarcastic Essays Photography Es

It's the body's natural defense, to keep from talking to the girl."
"When I have one foot in the grave I will tell the truth about women.

Jokes and humor about the elderly, relating to a variety of different topics. These old age jokes relate to retirement, medical problems, relationships, daily activities, interests, wealth, knowledge, appointments, and more!

she was long, expensive, and full of monsters."
"The more I learn about women, the more I love my dog."
"I had a wife once, but her husband came and got her."
"My wife dresses to kill.

I came across this essay by the philosophy professor Mylan Engel on the "The Immorality of Eating Meat"

Imagine if on top of everything else, I had a woman who interfered with my work."
"A woman must be a cute, cuddly, naive little thing — tender, sweet, and stupid."
"The Two Things about Women:

Quotations about happiness, unhappiness, and attitude, from The Quote Garden

I probably shouldn't have told her they all involved other women."
"Eighteen goddess-like daughters are not equal to one son with a hump."
"I hate parties, because you have to look good, but if you look too good other girls get jealous, and if you look not good enough they talk nasty about you."
"My high school guidance counselor told me my aptitude tests revealed that I could pretty much do anything I liked — then she turned around and slapped me.